I'm always promoting SELF! I mean so much comes with the self. There is self love, self healing, self promotion but mainly self love. I'm always learning about myself. I was in an abusive relationship. I haven't been able to actually open up to a relationship for many reason. I've realized that the one of the things keeping me away from a relationship, just so happens to be a defense mechanism from past hurt. I've learned that I shut down in the middle of arguments. I shy away from small disagreements because I don't want it to turn into a physical altercation. Truth is... adults debate everyday. I just so happened to have been in fear for so long that I would have never noticed that I am still in fear today. I'm writing this in tears because its.... well... truth hurts. I used to think that I'm a runner. I can run from situations but isn't that the same as shying away? I'm trying to get to the root of the situation. I want to be that person who can communicate. If you know ME then you know I remind people to communicate their feelings. That's a little hypocritical of me.
I thought I was over it... but as they say: "Actions speak louder than words". I know I am not perfect. Is it wrong to just want a happy healthy relationship? How do you get to that point and need so much healing?
How do you tell your partner. " Hey I was in an abusive relationship so you can't act that way"? You don't... the intentions are just not the same. You can only hope that person is loving and caring enough to understand and help you work on changing for the better. I'm ready to change. I've opened my heart. That's a start right?
No fear in 2015. Personal grown is a necessity to becoming a better person.
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