Grateful

Often I think back my past. How past hurt/ mold me into who I am today. I can tell you that I've gone from not wanting to love, to fighting anything that leads to love. I was completely emotionally detached. I didn't welcome intimacy into my world. I realized that my world was broken. I was hiding. The more I tried to hide from love and affection, it managed to always tap on my door. The less interested I was in dating and relationships, men would come into my life ready for everything that I was against. Eventually I would open up to intimacy but I would run from my feelings. I get that we're creatures of habit. Breaking through these walls has been a major task even the jaws of life would have needed a friend.  Love and intimacy were so to foreign to me that I would stop all communication with someone, give that person space, until they'd no longer be interested in me. I repeated this process several times. Even hurting some down the line.

I've attempted a few relationship when I thought I was ready. You know how it is... 

you update your status on Facebook, add those status updates about "him", he chimes in on your status, people wonder if its true, all of a sudden you're in the spot light, everything is cute or sweet or even looks wonderful, then you start to post pictures of you two together... all for what? 

The idea of having what you think you want feels good. Being able to show the world that someone loves you feels good. Showing off a little tends to make you feel special.  My friend let me tell you that this time of social validation means nothing. This is all temporary. What you're truly doing is trying to fill a void. I'm not saying that all relationships on Facebook are seeking validation. Its just means that nothing is perfect no matter how you see it. The only people who know are the ones involved in the relationship. 

Truth is... love is patient, its Kind, It doesn't brag or boast.  

It humbles your heart and it appreciates. It puts you in a grateful state of mind and peace. 

When you find love you wont seek validation.